On Expectations and Letting Go…
For much of my life, I’ve been resistant to change.
That is, unless it involves decluttering and organizing.
Then, of course, I love it.
Sometimes the catalyst for change comes from life circumstances that are out of our control.
Other times, we know deep down we need to make a transformational shift.
Either way, we generally have two choices: to change or to remain the same.
Often, the choice to remain the same is simply code for staying stuck because we’re too afraid to take action.
After all, we’re hard wired to stay cozy in our comfort zones.
And since change often comes with uncomfortable feelings, hard looks in the mirror, and difficult decisions, it can be scary to take the first step.
Not to mention, change almost always comes at the most inconvenient time too.
When I decided to give up “expectations” for Lent this year, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
But I was also grateful that I was finally ready to put in the work.
What I couldn’t have imagined was just how much work it would actually take to navigate all the ups and downs and twists and turns though.
To struggle through the “why’s” and the “should’s,” the “what if’s” and the “why not’s,” the “what are you waiting for’s” the “maybe’s” and the “not yet’s.”
There were lots of tears and introspection and just rip the band aid off already discussions.
I told my Mom it would have been so much easier to give up sugar than to give up expectations which I say as someone who has a MASSIVE sweet tooth.
Still, I know transformational work like this is important and I didn’t want to miss the gift of growth.
So, for almost 40 days now, I’ve been reminded we don’t give things up during Lent (or in other any season) because it’s easy.
We give things up because we recognize the places we are weak, to renew our minds, to refresh our hearts, to reprioritize our relationship with Christ, and to become refined through His grace.
And after decades of having high expectations of myself and others, I realized there were things I had been holding onto that I needed to let go of to become the best version of myself.
Things like “Golden Rule” expectations and one-sided relationships that were unhealthy, allowing clutter to creep in places I had never allowed it to creep in before and saying yes to things that I should have been courageous enough to say no to but didn’t because I let fear not faith take control of my thoughts and actions.
Make no mistake, heart work is not easy work.
Change can be challenging.
But we’ll never grow into the person we are fully meant to be without it.
So, as we prepare for Easter, I encourage you to think about change not as “hard or easy” but as an invitation that leads you to discover those things you’ve long been neglecting in yourself, your relationships, your home, your job, your finances, and in your community.
Because once you own it, you can do something about it.
And once you do something about it, the ordinary becomes extraordinary.
As always, I’ll be cheering you on.
Until next time, I’ll see you on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest.Many blessings,
CoCo
Beautiful post CoCo. I’m horrible with change too. It’s something I’m working on and this post is so inspiring.
I really appreciate it, Cindy! I’ve been working hard this season to try and reframe things so I don’t feel stuck. It definitely takes some practice but I can tell it’s paying off already. Sending you hugs, CoCo
This really resonates with me. Thanks for sharing it!
I am currently attending a virtual conference on parenting neurodivergent kids, and letting go was a main theme yesterday–letting go of our own expectations, letting go of the need to control situations and people, and letting go of society’s and/or your own family’s idea of “correct” parenting… and instead leaning in to what YOUR child actually needs. As you said, this kind of heart work is hard, and it will be ongoing. But it’s worth it.
Hugs to everyone who is on a similar journey of releasing things that no longer serve them.
I’m so proud of you for adding some new parenting tools to your toolbox, Corrie. That is so exciting and what a cool opportunity to learn how to better advocate for yourself and your littles too.
My nephew is also on the neurodivergent scale and he’s one of the most amazing human beings I’ve ever known. Gah it makes me teary thinking about what a blessing he has been to our lives.
It took his parents (and us) a bit to figure out how to support him so he can become the best version of himself based on his unique needs but the effort was 100% worth it.
It breaks my heart thinking how easily those on the neurodivergent scale (and their parents) can be “othered.” They’re truly some of the most loving, creative, out of the box thinkers, detailed oriented and talented people I know.
No matter how many ups and downs you have during this journey, keep your head up, sweet friend. You never know how your story will impact those around you. Sending you lots of hugs and love, CoCo
Thank you for sharing this CoCo, and the thoughts from your heart. Wishing you and your family a wonderful Easter and Holy Week, hugs! 🙂 Tanya
You are so welcome, Tanya. It’s not always easy to speak out but I would never want someone to feel alone if they’re going through something similar. Community and connection has never been more important. Big hugs and Happy Holy Week to you too, CoCo
Thank you for sharing! So beautifully written and full of helpful reminders.
Have a vey happy and blessed easter!
You are so welcome, Elizabeth. I hope they help! Wishing you a joy filled Easter weekend, CoCo
You always write such thought-provoking posts CoCo, I was nodding my head yes, throughout and thinking I have some of the same difficulties myself. I always find myself giving, and giving, not expecting anything in return, but sometimes I feel like I am spread so thin. Then I find myself having other emotions. Keep chugging up the hill, and know you are not alone. I do not like change either, hopefully I can take a page from your book. Happy day my friend.
Hi CoCo – First, I love the photos you included with this blog post. They light the way to a new future. They provide a new way of looking at something. They provide inspiration. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on “change” – most of all – I appreciate your honesty. I appreciate the acknowledgement -it is difficult and it does come at the most inconvenient times. Yet – despite all the challenges- it is inherently necessary. It allows us to evolve. I don’t know where your journey is taking you but please remember – we are also cheering you on.